"So WHAT?"

“So WHAT?”  I’ll never forget those two little words.  It’s astounding the impact so few words can have on a soul. 

Those were the words stated rather emphatically, maybe even a bit confrontationally, by the preacher about a decade ago on Easter Sunday morning at my stoic and traditional Southern Baptist Church in Atlanta.  Actually, for the record, he was an “Interim Pastor” so he didn’t really know how we DID things around here.  (He made too much eye contact for my taste.)  Our beloved Pastor Sam had resigned a few weeks back – seeking to move his wife and three daughters out of the metropolitan madness to a small town in North Carolina.  It wasn’t us he wanted to leave; I think he’d have been quite happy if we had ALL just upped and moved WITH them.  He was just a small town guy and wanted to give his family the benefit of that lifestyle during the formative years.  Frankly, it made me love him all the more.  With two young sons, ages 3 and 1 at the time… Keith and I felt twinges of the same thing.  We were farm people by birth, grew up on dirt roads and wide open spaces, and now we couldn’t let our kids play in our ¼ acre front yard unless we were right there hovering over them.  The city can be a sick and dangerous place.  But work was here, and we’d built a life in the suburbs that we were comfortable in.

TOO comfortable, I would come to realize in the ensuing weeks.

The Interim Pastor was from California of all places.  (Is there a font that communicates skepticism or disdain?  I tried.  It’s called Jokerman.  That makes me laugh.) It’s too long of a story to explain how California Boy arrived in the pulpit of our Baptist church in Atlanta.  I just wanted you to get the picture (as Larry Munson would say, God rest his soul.)  To be fair, he did his best to downplay the “surfer dude” stereotype.  He wore an actual suit – with his shirt tail tucked IN, and he had a decent manly haircut, so we didn’t mind the California thing TOO much.

Up to this point, California Boy had actually preached a fine Easter sermon; just the basics, nothing too fancy or philosophical.  Jesus came.  Jesus died.  Jesus rose again.  But then… California Boy paused.  It was an uncomfortably long pause.  At the time I thought he had just lost his place in his notes, what with all that looking us straight in the eye and all.   Later I would come to believe that he was doing battle within himself during that pause.  It was as though he had honestly TRIED to fit in.  He TRIED to do things the way we like ‘em here in the Bible Belt.  But in the end, he just couldn’t stomach it.  His Spirit won the battle against the Flesh and he erupted with that dang question... "So What?"

The pause came after he had explained the resurrection.  I doubt there was a single soul in our congregation that honestly needed that explanation.  Most of us had known about the resurrection since we were toddlers, from the Felt Board in the Sunbeams Class (at least the ones of us who had been raised right.)  But that two-word question he hurled at us after the pause?  I doubt there was a single soul in our congregation who DID NOT need THAT.

He paused again after he hurled it at us.  Let it settle over us like dust kicked up by an F150 on a parched dirt road.  We started to squirm out there in the polished pews, dressed in our Easter finery.  “ ‘So WHAT?’  What in the world does he mean by that?”  

Once he found his voice again, California Boy BROUGHT it from the pulpit.  He challenged us to examine ourselves to see if we REALLY lived ANY differently in our plain-ole-everyday-walking-around lives because Jesus was resurrected.  He conceded that he knew we all BELIEVED Jesus rose from the dead, but other than the fact that we showed UP on Sunday mornings and felt generally superior to all the people who did NOT – what else was truly different in our lives because of it? 

It may sound elementary to YOU, but that question – that sermon – helped launch the life of faith I live today.  I don’t mind telling you that it looks mighty different than it did a decade ago.  But back then, I took a few days to reflect, which wasn’t easy to do. My life was crazy busy as a stay-at-home mom to two active preschool boys who were not actually IN “preschool” because I was silly enough to believe that PREschool meant you weren’t old enough to GO to school.  They were home with me all day, every day, and they were NOT good nappers – or good sleepers of any sort, quite frankly.  (And before you get all judgmental, I DID take the Babywise course, thank you very much.) So having time to truly reflect on anything was a challenge, and then staying awake when the snipets of time DID come was also not easy.  But God provided, and my reflection was honest. 

I didn’t like my answers.  I realized my entire spiritual life was focused on the eternal future, a “get out of hell free card.”  It made precious little difference in how I conducted my life NOW.  It hadn’t always been that way for me.  As a young child and as a teenager, I was desperate for God.  I pursued Him with my time and with my mind and heart.  For those of you who know what it means, I was even a champion "Sword Driller" and "Speaker's Tournament Participant."  But somewhere along the way, I got comfortable in my life… like an Israelite I suppose.  Tasted a little worldly success.  Married a great guy and had beautiful healthy children.  But hey, it’s not like I became a “bad” person.  I served my friends and my community.  I didn’t have a trashy mouth.  I was devoted to my family – left a good job in Corporate America to stay home when my kids were born.  Heck, I even attended Ladies Bible Study and did my homework!  I read my bible now and then, and even prayed when people got sick.  But the fact was… I was living a very self-reliant life.  I was faithful to celebrate the resurrection on Easter, but then I lived the rest of the year pretty much like Jesus was still dead.  I had religion – salvation even, but I did NOT have abundant life – at least not the way Jesus described abundance.  Oh my house was full, my garage was full, my closet was full, and my calendar was full, but my heart was not.

That realization left me sorrowful and broken.  I am now thankful for that brokenness.  It was an Easter gift to me from my Father.

You see, it enabled me to discover that God is STILL in the resurrection business.  We started slow, but little by little my spirit came alive.  I don’t mind telling you that it cost me something.  The first thing I had to sacrifice was that which I held VERY dear… sleep!  I began setting my alarm for 5:30am to spend some time alone with God.  Some days I was barely there.  The boys weren’t sleeping well at night and I was up and down numerous times.  But God began to help me treasure those quiet times with Him.  It became my life.  We began having actual conversations, and I began to rediscover God as a person… with feelings.  It made all the difference. 

Lest you think I am holding my experience up as a road map for others to follow, I assure you that I am doing no such thing.  There are spiritual disciplines that need to be incorporated into your life, but you already know that… you don’t need me to explain it.  When and how you do them is between YOU and God.  Everything that I experienced was pure GRACE.  He gives it freely and lavishly.  All I had to do was give an honest answer to a two-word question.  HE put the desire in me to have a different answer to that question.  And today, purely as a testimony to HIS glory, I do.

Last Sunday was Easter, and each year I try to spend a little time during the Lenten season looking back to that pivotal Easter about a decade ago.  I think of that service, picture the sanctuary, and play the mental tape of the shocking question from California Boy.  “What became of him?” you may be wondering.  Well, he left our Baptist church pretty shortly after that Easter Service (I was just a Back-Row-Baptist back then and was not involved in the politics of church, but I suspect he ruffled a few feathers of the Front-Row-Faithful with that sermon and likely earned himself an invitation to preach elsewhere. But that’s just a guess.)  As it turns out, California Boy had some moxie and just decided to start his OWN church in Atlanta… a nondenominational church called The Bridge.  Keith and I decided to make that California Boy our pastor, and The Bridge Church our home.  God has grown US up spiritually in the last decade, as our boys have grown physically.  We do church differently now.  I still have respect for the formal denominations.  Growing up Baptist grounded me in the truth.  But now Keith and I understand that we ARE the church.  We learned that worship is a verb.  And we can’t get enough.

To anybody out there who knows deep down that you are just going through the motions of religion, I humbly put my arm around your shoulder and say, “Whew…been THERE.”  But I also enthusiastically tell you that there IS a different way to live.  It’s not a “Try Harder” or "Do Better" strategy.  Those don't really work for very long anyway, do they?  Here’s the thing, Christ followers aren’t people who used to be BAD, but now they’re GOOD.  Christ followers are people who used to be DEAD, but now they're ALIVE!  God promises us in John 7:38 “Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”   Every kayak outing I have on the Chattahoochee River carves this verse deeper into my soul.  

I definitely make no claim to understand HOW it works.  I only testify that it DOES work.  When crappy situations arise, or when my feelings are hurt, or when I feel wronged somehow – the world preaches that I need to STAND UP for MYSELF and assert my RIGHTS.  Frankly, I’ve done a lot of that in my life.  You know what I found?  It’s actually VERY satisfying in the moment, but most of the moments after THAT feel empty and lonely.  God teaches a different way.  He says in Matthew 16:24 that I need to turn from my selfish ways and follow HIM.  I’m able to lay down my so-called “rights” because He laid down His life… for me.  HE already put me first, so I don’t have to walk around every day with a big ole stick trying to get OTHER people in my life to put me first.  

“What if the living water gets dammed up?” I remember asking God one morning during a particularly difficult season in my life.  “I just don’t FEEL your power surging through me during this.  I FEEL weak, and scared, and lonely.  Where's the flow, God?”  He actually answered me.  That’s the cool part about moving from the walking dead to the fully alive… you get to have actual conversations with the God of the Universe.  He knows my name and He’s always waiting on me in the mornings in my little Quiet Time spot (or any other spot at any other time of the day.)  That particular morning, He reminded me in scripture of His dominance over the water.  In Genesis, HE is the one who separated the land and the sea.  He formed the shoreline and told the waves they could travel no further.  In Exodus and again in Joshua, He parted the waters for the Israelites to cross on dry ground.  In Matthew 8, Jesus calmed the storm.  He just “rebuked” the wind and the waves and immediately the water was still.  In Mark 6, Jesus walked ON TOP OF the water to go to the aid of the disciples.  – I sensed Him saying to my spirit, “Child, do you understand that I AM the one who decides whether or not the water flows?  No one dams up what I tell to FLOW!  But you must choose Child... will it be your way or mine?  Will you go by how you FEEL or will you proceed with FAITH? ”

It’s not my intention to use this blog as a place to preach or to stand on my spiritual soapbox.  I’m just sharing what I’ve learned – most of it the hard way.  Life is special because Easter is real.  I certainly DO NOT have it all together, and life is NOT always sunny and perfect.  My feelings still DO get hurt, and when they do, my tears are real just like yours.   Before there was a resurrection, there was a crucifixion.  And it was painful.  It AFFECTS me.  Paul says it this way in Galatians 2:20: "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."  So when the bad experiences come - the things that hurt - Christ asks me to respond like HE would respond instead of the way Marybeth would LIKE to respond.  He saved my life... I think He's earned the right to make that request of me.

And this "living water" thing?  I definitely don't experience it perfectly every single time.  ( In fact, those of you out there who know me best MAY be shaking your head as you recall examples from the last several years where my ACTIONS haven't necessarily aligned with this BLOG POST.)  You see, God still gives ME the power to choose  - in the moment - whether or not the water will flow.  Sometimes I STILL choose poorly... because frankly, doing life God's way is HARD in this flesh.   I sometimes still choose to pick up my big ole stick to get MY way, to stand up for MYself, to let someone know they hurt MY feelings.  You know what happens in those moments?  The same ole empty and lonely consequences - just like they used to.  Crap.  But I'm learning.  I'm making better choices more often.  The screw-ups are now the exception and they no longer RULE my life.  And the living water flows.  It brings joy - even when life is hard.  

There's still SO MUCH I don't know.  But I DO know this: my life is better NOW than it was a decade ago.  I used to feel EMPTY except for those brief, assertive, stick-wielding moments.  Now I feel FULL except for those brief, assertive moments when I pick that stupid stick back up and dam up the flow of living water.  Glory Be To God!! What an abundant change!   Listen to me on this point and hear TRUTH: I didn’t change jobs or change husbands or change best friends or change my standard of living.  I just changed my answer to a two-word question.   


And so I pose that question to YOU, in hopes it will get under your skin like it did mine.  Jesus rose from the dead on Easter Sunday.  "So WHAT?"